Finding My Happy


Today people are celebrating love in many different ways. Valentine’s Day has become a commercial day and I don’t celebrate it but I do take the time to love myself a bit more. Celebrate my achievements and be grateful for the good I have in my life. It’s easy to care for others and forget about myself and I have done that very often in the past, no more. I am the most important person in my life, if my physical health or my mental health are not on point then I am no good to anyone. I do not want to be a burden and I do not want to repeat relationship mistakes, mostly I do not want to feel like I have failed myself.
Love for my person, my self worth, those are things I didn’t think I deserved for the longest time, I didn’t think I could love myself, I hated my body, my brain, my inner chemistry, my differences, my quirkiness, everything that makes me ME. Now I know that all these things are what keeps me sane in this crazy world and they are also the things that make me loveable. I know some people think I am selfish and bitchy and moody and fuck yes, I am all of these. All different aspect of my personality, if you can’t appreciate me for me then move on and find a more “ordinary” person, won’t make a difference in my life because the people that matter to me are the ones that can appreciate my company and stick around.

I am a bitch and I am emo but I am also very cuddly and loving, I am generous of my person, my time, my knowledge and my vulnerability. I am giving and flaky all at once, I am complex and alien, I can be the hottest and the coldest but I deal with it and so should my friends, I do not mean harm. I can be silent for months, years and then reconnect as if no time had passed and what is time anyways, just something that stresses most people because they feel there’s not enough of it to go around. I believe most people are like me but because of social pressure, social masks, social roles they play, they forget how to be themselves, they think they need to fit into these restrictive characters and then they suffer because they are not finding their happiness anywhere.

For the past few years I have been rebuilding my happy, reconnecting with myself and progressing steadily on a beautiful path, of course I hit bumps and crevasses here and there but they have never made me feel like I was failing in my attempts to grow, instead they give me more strength, more courage to continue and pursue on this trail.

So today dear readers, love yourself with all you have, give yourself the extra care, you might not think you deserve it but you do!

 

 

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