It’s all the little things that accumulate and weigh me down, today I feel it particularly heavy. There were a few hours where I was able to focus on something else but now it’s unavoidable, I need to get it out somehow. The gym wins.
The cloud of depression and self-loathing is very opaque this week, like a blackout curtain covering every inch of my being, it feels suffocating, breathing under water is not one of my skills.
This void in me, I will fill it up with very loud QOTSA on repeat and see what happens. Maybe I’ll act on my primal instincts, live dangerously, if I really listened to my inner fool, I would drink myself into a stupor and forget all responsibilities but if I start down this path, I know I’ll never come back.
Alcoholism can be a dry path, difficult to face up to this truth.
Trust that I am loved, worthy.