I spent the day with a very good friend, I want to say my BFF, someone I hadn’t seen in a minute, someone I’m now seeing in a new light. We shared feelings that made us cry, openly, no shame about it. We laughed too. We assessed our feelings, deconstructed some, fortified others.
This is the kind of kindred spirit that comes rarely in a lifetime, we are both conscious of this immense love for one another, we both know it cannot be fulfilled the way we want it but we still hold hands, support each other and wish the other happiness. It is a fine balance between elation at being in the same room and jealousy at knowing there are other people in our respective lives. People that could potentially pull us apart, a relationship will inevitably put some distance between us and change the dynamics.
How do I deal with this? Put some music on, lose myself, strap my skates on, lose myself, revisit memories we created together, lose myself.
No matter what happens, I know in my heart that no one will ever hold me this way, no one will ever look into my eyes with such intensity and I love his soul for it, maybe more than he’ll ever know because even though I write about it, most often, words fail me to explain this to him.